Shamefully lifted from Toffeeweb, written by the always excellent Greg Murphy:

News from the front
Here’s a little pick-me-up vignette for a gentle Sunday. A close mate of mine (a “yes� voter — and guess what? we still speak, shock horror, even though I’m a “no�) went to a wedding last night. Like many “dos� up and down the UK, it can’t be deemed a proper shebang unless the DJ slings on “New York, New York� at the end to signal just how classy the whole affair really has been.

Half-way through the dirge in question, said mate, sat with his back to the dance floor, was more than a little curious as to why the people facing him were creased with laughter. Something was clearly happening on the dance floor. And his correct instinct, as he swivelled round, was that he was the butt of the gag.

As he turned, he realised just where “Ol Blue Eyes� was up to. Cue: “Theeeeeeeese liiiddle towwwwwwn Blues, arrrrre longging to stray� (cue assorted reds on the dance floor pointing with glee to those around the gaff whom they knew to be Blue). And in true scouse divas’ fashion, never being able to let a beat go by without filling in with some compensatory lyric (think “itchycoo, itchycoo� to wile away the epochs between Deano’s words in “Little Old Wine Drinker Me�), they interspersed the bit between “theeeese liddle towwwn Blues� with a wrong-bra-sized-knees-uppin “Keeerby town, Keerby town, Keeerby town�.

And before you knew it, the Blue touch paper was well and truly lit in little bush fires all over the speakeasy and the action swung from downtown Manhattan to Copacabana in a “and then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two� type way. Nice.

Sheepish mate, who fled to the khazis, spoke to the DJ later. “Jernow,� he said, “I stopped playing YNWA years ago — and no-one ever had Z-Cars anyway — but I hadn’t realised that I could now cause murder playing this... I’ve been playing it for years.� There were no reports, I could gather, that any Blues were in-fighting. All were said to have voted “no�.

The red-weeds’ “Little town Blues� refrain, coupled with some nice things about what they’re gonna do to Jose Mourinho later today, was said to have continued all the way to their taxis / meat wagons, depending on whether Her Majesty was offering them a bed for the night.

Friends, I merely offer you this morsel, without distortion, for you to make of it what you will. A new era has begun... Roll-on the friendly Derby.
Greg Murphy, Liverpool

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